The question was pretty simple in my mind. What does having talent mean when you don't apply it? I keep this query in the notepad as I'm set to meet with Jeremy Dawe at a local restaurant. I was tasked by my editor in finding this man and trying to discover what it was that prevented him from taking the next step forward in the creative process. Research done has unearthed flashes here and there. A copy writing gig here. A well received blog post there. Colleagues would say the man had a really sharp mind and was very verbose at times. Despite the praise, no matter if it was gushing or reserved, there was an underlying question that had to be asked.
What does having talent mean when you don't apply it?
The restaurant my subject selected has seen better days. Worn and faded columns support the dining room. A sad looking buffet sits next to the booth I'm in as I await for Jeremy's arrival. The fake plastic foliage hasn't been cleaned in several weeks if I had to estimate. When I receive my water from the waitress, Jeremy appears from the front door. Ambling slowly with some extra weight around his middle, his hair slightly thinning. He doesn't look like much of anything except a guy rapidly approaching middle age and nothing to show of it. What was the deal with this assignment?
"He was really imaginative in my class," One of Jeremy's creative writing teachers told me earlier in the day. I'm sitting in a sterile feeling office as she kind of nods to herself in approval over her previous statement. "He was always working on something. Generally it was macabre, dark stuff. It was like he was trying to exorcise anything in his self onto the page. Thematically it wouldn't always add up, but, the passion and raw talent were there on display. I told him to write what he knew. That would get him on a road to somewhere by writing more of his day to day life, and less the puerile flights of fancy he was prone to turning in. I'll never forget what he said in reply. He said, 'No one would want to read that. Not even me.' "
I relay Jeremy this as his water he ordered is brought to him. He nods and says it's still pretty much true. "Who wants to read about a guy who's somewhat kind of failed at life? It only makes interesting reading to someone if they're trying to feel superior over the subject."
"What makes you think you failed at life so far? I'm writing a piece on you. Failures don't get that luxury."
"Look around you man. Look where I live. If the surroundings around you don't scream quit than you aren't looking too hard."
Jeremy is telling me of some of the misfortune that has come his way since high school. He tells me that as a senior, he was pretty much incognito amongst his peers as transferring from another school, the majority of classes needed for credits were taken his freshman and sophomore years, therefore, he was able to take nothing but electives. "I was anonymous in the best sense of the word. I would usually keep to myself for the most part. The people I did talk to were generally underclassmen. I just didn't understand the need for a car or any dominant issue that young people at 18 had. I was perfectly content just staying invisible and dreaming big of being the next big thing."
That dream didn't necessarily go according to plan. Dawe found himself in junior college not particularly driven to finish. It's a sore subject for him still. "I was more concentrated on trying to get with girls, and had none of the skills to really get a girl to date me. I would go out on a date occasionally if I worked up enough courage to do so, but, it was more patronizing than attraction."
How difficult was it to relate to the fairer sex? I asked him. He sits for a second contemplating this question and then he leans back a little in his chair.
"It's still difficult. I was told when I was younger, and it has been repeated off and on as an adult, that there is someone out there just for you. That's complete hokum in nicest of terms. As you get older, relationships really thrive from the sheer exhaustion of seeking the one person who not only fills the criteria you seek, but, you just acquiesce and settle".
"Have you gotten close to marriage?"
"Yeah. Once. And then, out of nowhere all this unsolicited advice comes in from all sides, family, workers, you know. 'It's a mistake' dressed a little nicer than what was intended. I bailed on the girl like a coward, already knowing in my mind this was a monumental mistake."
"Were you able to reconcile?"
"No. She found someone else and happiness that went with it. I've dated other women who just can't handle 'nice' or 'respectful'. They would like that in theory, but, when you're used to having emotional battery on a daily basis, and then someone comes along and tells you that you're pretty great, I can see how that could rattle a person. It's pretty foreign."
to be continued...
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