...But, Do You Like Me When I'm Sober (part 2)

She drives a rundown maroon celebrity. It sputters before reluctantly coming to life. I'm already anxious at the possibility of getting some, I contemplate jerking off in the bathroom to steady myself for foreplay and sex while she fixes a jack and coke or a 7 of 7 while her headlights stick close behind my car as we drive down the main boulevard. The anticipation is really mucking with my initial calm demeanor. It's like I'm 8 years old at Christmas at the sight of my yard covered in fresh snow.

We get to the turn onto a secondary street. I hang left and she follows suit. Then, suddenly, she breaks on the first right onto this side street. I'm dumbfounded at this move. I pull over to my apartment building that's just further up the street. I sit in the idling car, overwhelmed with panic, wondering if she's playing and will double back around to the secondary street. Maybe I should look for her? Maybe she had to buy cigarettes or breath mints or even her preferred condom at Wal-Mart. Slowly, these questions are answered as if she had become a Scooby-Doo ghost by vanishing into thin air. 30 minutes pass in vain searching before I angrily go home.

Ring.

"Hello," I ask.

"Hey man!" It's the club DJ from earlier in the evening. He lives in the apartment building behind mine. "You were looking pretty lucky there tonight."

"Yeah."

"She looked good. Color me impressed. How drunk was she?"

"Not so much."

"She has a good looking ass."

"Yeah," I sigh.

"It wouldn't be next to you in bed passed out would it?"

"Actually...no. She was following me to my place, and then BAM! ditches me at the last possible second."

"Oh my God! Dude! You have the worst possible luck ever."

"Tell me about it," I grumbled.

"Like you were born with one testicle, or with a kick me sign on the back. Or maybe, you've had nothing but full moons and madness..."

"Listen dude, now's not the time for comedy."

"Hey, it's alright. Don't stress. what was she thinking about? Was she worried out in the parking lot?"

"No. Your guess is as good as mine."

to be continued...