Old Post from 2003

I was cleaning house last night, and came upon this notebook I had put away with the following lines written down. It was dated as the subject heading. It's some angry bitter work, but I was taken aback by how strong the work was. I was really hitting on all cylinders with this, and I hope to parlay this kind of passion first in a more positive manner and into all my writing endeavours.
And this is how the year began on a cold winter evening barely remembered now, but most likely drinking beer, watching some video on MTV, some New York times square celebration, some movie by Gregg Araki or Harmony Korine or David Lynch or some other avant garde, enfant terrible, vanguard wallowing in images, in sound, in dreams of being there someday with studio money creating the next big thing that would be talked about for 40 years or so after the premiere, the awards, the accolades, the honors where print critics, radio critics, and television critics all fawn, gush, sigh, and praise the work of art, the courageous act, the best thing since _______. The evening probably ended with surfing on the net, a boring phone call, more beer to drink before going to bed and thinking of her, getting excited, releasing tension, or maybe it was listening to a CD on my walkman, maybe Powerman 5K or Manson or Smashing Pumpkins or the Beatles or maybe Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway telling myself the lyrics to "For All We Know" would be the single thing that would bring her back to me as the lyrics are more honest, sweet, and gorgeous which I still aspire to match in my feeble attempts at being creative.

Along comes Cody, friend and confidant, who drinks heavy at night, quick on his feet in thought and in humor with his new girlfriend who was at one time the girlfriend of an older married woman who worked in a portrait studio in Wal-Mart and they exchange glances and double entendres over vodka and pucker in my apartment, as they strung the married woman along who was with Cody more than a few times, including once in my own bedroom the first night I met the two women, while I was acting or trying to act laid back and reserved with Cody's soon to be girlfriend then, but coming off desperate and clingy than suave and cool getting her not to shed her clothes but peel off personal information from Mellisa that night as follows 1) Republican 2) Bi-sexual 3) Bra size is a D cup 4) exhibitionist 5) Would rather have sex with Cody and her female friend in the bedroom than sit with me in my home. Of all the luck that is dispensed among people and I'm not the recipient of any. We share number one, it's ok on two, I never get to see the sight of number 3, because she doesn't play number four and she would later pull off number five a few days later with both of them as I would hear about it from Cody during a phone conversation. He speaks of the experience as if he had just scaled Mount Everest, or something equally history defining, and kind of rubbing it in my face by trying to pimp out the married woman to me so I didn't feel left out. Yeah, a good start to the year indeed.